Monday, January 28, 2013

No More Bitty Beth on the bed!

1 little bitty Beth jumping on the bed, Beth fell down and bonked her head.

Mommy Called 911 and the responder said "how long has she been unconscious?"

"About 5 minutes"

And on it went for the longest 3 minutes of my life until the response team showed up at my house. With sirens-did you know an "un-responding female, 2 years of age" gets sirens?

A hurricane could have blown through the house after her intimate introduction to her night table. Also I learned a 2 year old child with a head injury is investigated. I didn't realize I was being investigated until I over heard an officer state "This is so clearly an accident there is no need for us to be here." 

Thank you Mr. Officer for ignoring my stress filled joke about hitting children. (Oh YES I did make that joke-who cries and panics when they can declare tasteless statements that shocked even me?)

The entire thing happened very quickly-She was out for nearly 8 minutes. The 15 seconds it took me to walk to the front door to open it for paramedics, she woke up and greeted us in the living room. I was shockingly calm through the entire thing-the 911 operator was surprised, the paramedics, firemen, and RCMP were all commenting on it. But writing it I'm not feeling so calm. My inside panic is starting to boil over.

So I realized my calm must have come from that determined "mommy you're home alone-handle this". But also I took a children's first aid course a few years ago-hoping I'd never need it. Yesterday I did. And of course it was one of the most scary scenarios there are-a head injury.

So here is a very brief description of what you should do. Its not a certified first aid course, and shouldn't replace one. But a little knowledge is better than none.

Bitty Beth letting the entire hospital know she was bored. She was kicking the door yelling "I'm trapped!"

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Bringing that sexy spark back...

I don't really need to find THE spark. Just wanted to try something fun, different. I found my inspiration here. Isn't it fabulous-now I'm going to share how it went horribly wrong.  I thought a few minutes on my wording and decided straight to the point was best.

See why I have a problem? Apparently there really is a party in his pants. So jokes on him, now every one really is invited.  I'm not sure I know how I feel about these shenanigans. But I feel they need to be reciprocated-Boy won't his face be red if a bunch of people show up at that time? Or even just his boss...hmmm inappropriate scheming as a foot!

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Almost 2 weeks in.

Well its been 12 days since I just up and changed everything. As it turns out I have a weakness for cheese pizza-so I'm not going to let that bother me. I've had pizza one more time since my last spaz attack. But absolutely no meat. 1 day a week I'm going to splurge my face off to prevent complete and total melt down.

Something has happened that I wasn't expecting-well many things. A week ago I started breaking out like a teenager right before the big prom, date, test.  All at the same time-I've had a grand total of 6 pimples my whole life, so this was a bit of a freak out. Turns out, your body gets rid of the crap in your system through your skin. Isn't that lovely?

I'm not starving to death between meals any more. However, I'm still learning on how to keep full enough so I don't hit "hangry".  My dining out spending has plummeted.  Its very hard to guarantee no animal products when  you're out and about.

The scariest, most unbelievable of all. I have enough energy to start working out. I WANT to. My body is SCREAMING, for a challenge.  So I'm terrified, do I wait until I have the eating right thing down? or do I just go for it? What do I start with? When one has spent the last 7 years being fat and lazy-you forget these things.

Any suggestions?

By the way I'm making this for dinner-doesn't it look AMAZING?!

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Yesterday was a bad, very bad, day.

Well I had proof yesterday that old habits die hard. And that I'm a stress eater. I know what every one is thinking "oh god not another fat woman telling me why shes stressed out". But I'm going to confess something, and then tell you the REAL reason why we eat crap food when we're angry and stressed out.

I ate cheese, and pizza. It was delicious veggie lovers pizza. All processed to crap and back. then I had a lobster artichoke cheese dip. It was AMAZING. In fact sitting here writing about it makes me wish to order more. I feel horrible. I'd gone a whole 6 DAYS with out animal products. not even sugar. which we all know I LOVE. There's proof here.

I had a holy hairy, I want to hide melt down. And since in that moment I knew it was ethically, morally wrong and ILLEGAL to punch someone in the throat or kick someone in the private bits. I ate. Delicious animal derived FOOD. I couldn't kill something myself-so yesterday I took pleasure in knowing something-many somethings died for my enjoyment.  I LOVED it. I ate with enjoyment. Basking in the residual carnage of the calf that was ripped from its mother so she could be milked to make processed cheese product. The lobster that was more than likely caught using bottom trawling, where the odds of an entire echo system being wiped out are high. 

The worst part? At Brewster's I ordered a VEGGIE PATTY. Like a horrible pretentious vegan. Like I was making a change in the world. Then SENT IT BACK.  I came home and ordered a large veggie lovers. Then ate most of it.  

So there it is. We don't eat to fill an emotional need. We eat to prevent murder. 

Today was a new day, and yesterday is done. Today, I'm a pretend vegan again. It's a good day.                

Monday, January 14, 2013

Day-What ever, of animal product free.

Its been how ever many days and I'm doing GREAT. No cravings, no difficult decisions. The food is yummy. Oh who am I kidding? 8-8:30pm rolls around and I'm twitching like a crack addict looking to score. But its not meat, or animal products per say. Its SUGAR. glorious, refined, bleached in animal bones, deadly for you SUGAR. Beautiful, SUGAR.

I didn't realize what my nightly ritual of a stolen from the kids treat was for me. After they go to bed I have, a cookie, ice cream, chocolate, cake, pie, whip cream on hot chocolate, mm mm chocolate. My hands are tingly, and I'm shaky. Not to mention freaking bitchy.

DO NOT tell me to have a piece of fruit, I swear I will end you. Its not the same. Not one little bit. I don't want a cup of tea, or oat meal with maple syrup. I want something so horribly fattening for me that they have to create entire documentaries and pamphlets on how its going to kill me.

I swear if I end up on death row, my last meal is going to be Avenue Cakery & Bake Shop Butter cream icing, and KFC chicken skin. (I'm assuming there is processed sugar in the breading or I wouldn't be tying this all together)

Now to roam my house with a purpose.  While my "supportive" husband calmly reminds me why I'm doing this.

Friday, January 11, 2013

No One likes a Pretentious Vegan

Yesterday with all my excitement it was easy-I pinned recipes, read blogs, watched shows. Then I did the best part-SHOPPING. I went easy on myself. Just some tofu, vegan friendly spreads, and a refill on some veggies that I usually buy. I was horribly disappointed in my cheap shop-that's another addiction that needs facing at a later date. The kids LOVED the meal yesterday.

But that's not what this is about-my bold decree over the net yesterday brought mixed responses. The most hilarious. from my lovely friend Brenda. (attached below).

So what do you think? Honestly. What do you think "vegan" and "vegetarian"mean? I'm not even sure I know. is this entire thing possible? I suppose only time will tell.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Learning to De-fat myself.

I'm shockingly huge. There I said it. I won't post my weight because I don't actually know what it is. I refuse to look. My Doctor won't tell me because I cry. How do I know I'm a viable source of oil based fuel? The pictures, the icky ucky gross pictures.

We went to Banff Hot Springs this past week. And there we are a happy family-gorgeous mountain scenery in the back ground, and there I am-blocking said mountain. Well not really. But my shape isn't mom, or even slightly cushy-its blobby. Round. Orbit producing. With pretty hair and a big smile-holding my tiny looking little man.

So after much research-and on how to eat correctly with out killing myself with my food allergies-egg and milk the 2 worst, with gluten a close third. I hate to say it. I'm fairly certain the best thing for me is going vegan. I also may have watched a documentary or two on mass produced meat-my kids will now have very limited exposure to it.

Maybe before jumping on the 30-day shred, P90X, yoga, Zumba, band wagon I should re-learn how to eat. And especially if my kids are going to be eating some of it. I'm okay with accidentally killing myself with a vitamin deficiency due to ignorance. But I just can't for my own kids. So I will just be upping their veggie exposure, and keeping a close eye on their animal and animal product exposure.

I'm nervous, and scared. Can I do this? I'm going to try a recipe tonight. Chickpea, potato curry. We like curry. So here's hoping I can reset and restart my system.

Goal 1: Cook vegan for an entire day-and then try again the next day.   Wish me luck! and if you have any great ideas or recipes-PLEASE share.

Here is one of the documentaries I watched Vegucated a funny movie on Netflix that makes it feel attainable. And of course Food Inc. is always a scary eye opening go to.  And another great list of the Top 5 food movies that will help change your life.

Weaning Woes

I've been to work, and my schedule has been agreed on. Now its time to decide-do I keep breastfeeding, or wean him on to a bottle. Mr. Man will be 10 months old when I re-enter the work force.  10 months of breastfeeding is admirable. Not extended super long, but longer than the recommended six months by health Canada. I have options-and one heck of a great pump. I can very effectively pump and store on my breaks, 1 night, and 2 days a week. Its seems simple-go for it. whats 15 minutes of a double pump on a 30 minute break?

This is where this is tricky, I work with lots of teenagers and young adults. All of us slaves to the standard school schedule. They for their own classes-me for my young daughters school days. The whole thing is stressing me out and I haven't even started back to work. I need privacy. And a place to store. I doubt the supervisor on-a snappy come back kind of guy, would fully understand.

I'm shame filled when I admit this. I love nursing my son. But I'm tired of having my chest hanging out on a little mans whim. I want a pretty bra. not one that digs, and makes me look kind of sloppy and floppy. I want to pick an outfit without needing to worry about ease of nursing. I'm horribly sad to admit. I'm just not enjoying it any more. I think I'm done. But I don't want to be. Its been ingrained into my brain 12 MONTHS IS BEST. I don't know why I'm so hesitant to just wean. DD1 never nursed, and DD2 nursed for only 8 months.  Hubby is in agreement with me, no matter what I choose to do. Which makes it hard sometimes-having someone so supportive of you and your body.

So-what do I do?