Wednesday, February 27, 2013

An Unnecessary Post about The stupidity of a "book club"

Know what is stupid? Book Clubs. Not the CONCEPT of a book club, and I'm sure there are some fantastic, and well executed clubs. Ones where the premise of the book is discussed, characters dissected, the plot thickened with a well tasting wine.

When I read the list of the local club I nearly hung myself by my lap top cord. "The Hunger Games" is NOT book club material-its the shit I read when I'm so depressed about life I need to fantasize I'm a teen saving the world. I don't need to discuss my unresolved issues with a bunch of moms who can't understand a book with a higher reading level than Grade 5. If you have to find the book in the "Young adults & Teen" section at  chapters you're doing it wrong.

Don't get me started on Jodi Picoult, and Nicholas Sparks-and other like minded authors. Some one loved, someone didn't reciprocate, or reciprocated to much. Someone cried, died, suffered something major-life lesson learned. The End. Don't care-same crap different pile.

Now let me tell you a secret. The 50 shades series is stupid. It was written by an untrained, relatively untalented author who wrote Twilight Fan Fiction. Twilight is yet ANOTHER teen series. So basically you have some old woman reliving her teen years, through poorly written porn.  If you're curious about whips and chains, rent a movie. At least you might get laid at the end of it, if your hubby catches you.

So basically as a group of stay at home moms, you're allowing your self to be sucked in by a media, and popular culture fueled by the whims of teens. The whims of children, trapped in attractive grown up bodies, with out a fully developed brain capacity, charged with hormone in balances. Yup sounds like a winning combination to me.

Know what is a hard hitting book? Night Falls Fast-Understanding suicide-by Dr. Kay Redfield.  Maybe it will help you understand why that bottle of tranquilizers is lookin' mighty purdy at 3am.  It dissects WHY people do, WHO does it, and WHEN it most occurs. I discovered something. A large number of suicides are bored house wives, with unresolved PPD, who are done with the shitty book clubs, and patronizing tones of the world.

You want to expand your mind and learn something new? Pick up a book you would have NEVER picked before. Don't understand the context? HAS AN APP FOR THAT! Make sure its not fiction. It leads you to believe in things you already harbor little hope for. Learn how to change the world. Read Psychology today on the can. Find out how big your carbon foot print really is. Get depressed about the world enough to freaking change it. But for god sakes-STOP supporting simpering teenagers, and authors that feed into the lack luster, low intelligent world of  today, people who know shit about whats going on.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

The Ten Year hump

Its been ten years since I graduated high school. Up until this point I'd thought of it in passing as I look at my kids-thanking the powers to be that I came so far, and feel such love. Then the thought would be gone as another adventure in parenting would come my way.

Today-its come forward and is slapping me with its memories. I was added to a Facebook group-one dedicated to planning the first "reunion" of the class of 2003. I need you to remember the home I share with my husband-is about 3 blocks away from the home I spent those tense teen years in. That same home my mother lives in. My Daughter goes the the elementary school behind the school I graduated from-I have NOT moved far. Just been doing the family thing.

I've stayed friends with the people I LIKED in my high school. And reconnected with others. I'm very happy to have done that. In the last ten years I've made lots of new and great friends-ones that have graduated from the same school in different years. And met some great NEW friends who did graduate the same year. Also lots of people that have moved to my lovely little home city.

High school was not all that enjoyable for me. (Out side of a couple very close friendships, and some great people in other grades). I was teased-a lot. Not many people know that. There was a group of boys that would spit on me every time they walked pass-and it was done 3-4 times a week for the last 2 years of school. I was slipped notes about how I needed to die, and no one loved me. And other various disgusting things that shouldn't have EVER happened. No I won't name names,  do I need to look those people in the face again? They might not even be there. Is it even worth it?

In classic style-I was horrible to others in a fear guided attempt to survive. I can't ever take that back. Just like how I can't make those boys & girls apologize to me and realize what they did.

I can remember walking through halls, and watching all these pretty, smart people laughing. Being horribly jealous of that laughter and enjoyment. I know now I was to terrified, and depressed to do well academically. As silly as it sounds I feel the crushing pressure in my chest thinking about it. It makes it hard to breathe, thinking of those days sometimes.

It has taken a very long while for me to be okay with who I am-weird eating habits, music taste, and all. As childish as the whole thing seems-even to me re-reading the post. I'm terrified of being hated again.
Unless I win a gazillion dollars and can flaunt my wealth I don't think I can go. I'll just keep up the re connections I have.  Hug my babies close, I'm going to tell my husband I love him. And be comfortable about today-and leave living in the past to someone else.