Sunday, May 15, 2011

Why I'm so angry with formula

When I gave birth to Elizabeth I had decided I was going to try REALLY hard to breastfeed. I had taken out books from the library and even bought the ones I knew I'd refrence in the future. So the initial period of discomfort passed as we learned to latch, and how to read her cues. I was very excited we were off. Except something was wrong-she wasn't gaining weight, actually she was loosing-rapidly. After an inital weight gain she had droped back down to just a few ounces over her birth weight at four months of age. She threw up. ALOT. it was kinda her thing, but the problem was her thing could kill her if we didn't get in to see a pediatritian soon.

After many strings pulled and a visit to the Calgary Childrens Hospital we were in, the first thing the doctor did? Told me to suppliment with formula. All my books told me this was wrong, that this is what the formula companies did to brainwash these doctors with samples and "evidence" to create more cash flow. But if I'm so smart of a mother to breast feed and give my oldest whole grains, I'm also mother enough to admit-I'm not a doctor. I took the sample home to try. So I've been pumping and adding the powdered formula to the milk to increase her caloric intake. It was working! Elizabeth was gaining like a champ-5lbs in just over 3 weeks. I was so PISSED OFF.

I had busted my butt to get this kid breastfeeding. and not just feeding, but doing it very WELL. My supply was fine, and here I was a rare case that my breast milk didn't have enough fat. I was and still so resentful. She needs this stuff and I"m angry that shes getting better? Its simple-that pesky annoying emotional bond that the books say Dad gets jealous of. I WANT IT. So badly. and all of sudden hes as pleased as punch to help out-to bad all I could think of was kidney punching him. I wanted to be one of those moms yelling at thier 2 year old to quit playing with her shirt at the park-weird I know but after my early success I had grand plans. Not to mention this put a serious dent in my need to climb upon that exclusive breastfeeding pedistal that raised me above the mere bottle feeders. Shes still throwing up all the time but at least she has a weight gain going-so I should be happy shouldn't I? Thats the next problem to fix.

In the mean time is it wrong of me to take pleasure from her only wanting me in the middle of the night? Since I can't have my exclusive breastfeeding experience I was so crazy about? Things will get better I know, and I should be thankful we have found such an easy solution to her problem.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Courtney - you know my take on it all. Formula - when used properly CAN be a life saving thing. The problems with formula lie when it's used as a convenience or lifestyle choice - not a health NEED.

    Elizabeth has a need that formula seems to be filling for her nutritionally. Emotionally - you're still meeting her needs more than any powdered crap in a can ever can.

    Breastfeeding is so much more than just a food transfer system. It's about closeness, learning your baby's cues, bonding, etc... So she's getting some of her nutritional needs met other than at the breast, her emotional and psychological needs are still being met by mommy :)