Survival Techniques of Children DISCOVERED!

Seriously, I have days where I'm certain I didn't raise this crazy, bouncy, blond ferret on crack. Shes lippy, jumpy, hyper, and hilarious. I love her with all I have. I swear, just as I'm fantasizing about shipping her off to the circus as a lion tamer, she does something that saves her hide. Again. So I've started paying attention-and ALL KIDS DO THIS. So pay attention I may not be able to tell you how to cope, but maybe-just maybe with the signs we can all be a bit stronger against their wiles!

• Slippery Creatures, with the ability to wiggle, slip, slide, glide, drop and escape with the greatest of ease.

By this I mean from the time they are a few months old, wiggling away from a diaper change, until they are four and beyond to wiggle out of your grasp for a talking to, teeth brushing, or a strange need to be constantly naked. They shimmy, shake, and slide down the hallways on stocking feet out of reaching distance...making us look the psycho as well fall to the floor in aged embarrassment. Survival insured-because I don't know about you but it usually hurts when I fall like that.

• Rapid Growth Rate

Children grow quickly not to ensure an ancient need to escape rabid wolves quickly. But so that they are very soon too big to be sent back from where they came from. Thought that kid hurt coming out? Try putting him back in four years later as he lips off that you can't make him wipe his butt after pooping...

• Brings Families Back Together

Yes, I can very safely assure you the ONLY reason my mother puts up with my crap is because she loves my kids more than me. I'm okay with it-it just means if I die in a horrible toaster accident she'll take care of them, and better than she took care of me too! Survival occurs again!

• Ability to tune into the ONE frequency an adult can hear above all other sounds

This is so that if they shriek, cry, giggle, laugh or do a weird honking sound you will always come running. Hurt or not, you'll go. Just to check. Then you find out they're just copying a sound they heard from up stairs a few nights ago...way to go daddy. I hate to say this you can also hear the sounds they make across a parking lot and through a brick wall.

• Tears with magical properties, that succeed in melting all hearts with in a 100 KM radius.

Really, this is 100% true. Even if they take a dive bomb, front facing leap of faith into a solid oak kitchen table. AFTER you yelled at them to sit down or they're going to get hurt. You can't give them trouble after those tears start falling. You're done, a goner, you're heart is missing and this child is using it to store energy for the next slippery escape.

• Cute Clothing.

Yes, I went there. I dress my kids like dolls sometimes and I'm okay with it. There are days that I keep them around FOR it. 

• Teach you to multiply

I know you're thinking a baby teach me MATH? Well you figure out how to multiply the love in your heart pretty quickly when your family gets growing. You learn to multiply your patience. Your budget. the list goes on and on. Especially I noticed-my laughter as increased ten fold.

• Heart stealing hugs and kisses.

This is the NUMBER ONE WAY they get energy to make good loud escapes, dances, bouncing, singing, jokes, laughing, learning. This is how they learn to get you every time. They melt your heart and leave a drug like trance that keeps you going back for more, and more every day. And the little buggers as they get more efficient at storing this energy will yell NO MOM  YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME!

• Know how to work my computer, radio, pvr, iPod, blackberry etc.

Speaks for its self. this is the only reason she hasn't started her apprenticeship as a lion tamer. I don't have a CLUE what I'm doing on most of these things.

Parents are to blame for some kids today

Summer brings all types of fun out in the sun.  The pool is filled, bikes are taken out of hiding, white legs display thier reflective qualities for the first time in months. With summer time brings kids, kids, and more kids.  And with these kids comes out door birthday parties. Now Keeley and I look forward to these since both her and her sister are winter time kids. Thier dad is even a winter baby so other than that precious invitation and a few family outings we dont typically celibrate the summer months.  On Keeley's last day of preschool last year she had recieved two invitaitons to birthday parties. Both little boys that she had mentioned at home and even a couple of play dates. In fact she couldn't decide which on of these kids she was going to marry. (I know I'm horrible I let her think shes getting married). 

The first one was lots of fun, I don't have a car so his parents let me hang out and help. Keeley had a blast.  Something threw me for a loop as I was talking to his mom. Keeley and one other child in his class were the only 2 kids to RSVP and come to this party.  6-7 people didn't even bother to call her back or acknowledge their child had recieved an invitation.  This had disturbed me, since I had noticed a clique tendancy at the school while the kids played.  I sort of ignored it. All the kids were playing outside really well, and no one was crying or being hit. So I had assumed all was good. 3 weeks later I shoot mom #2 a text msg verifying details. This was because it was a little rainy and it was suppose to be outside. She had cancelled the party, no one was coming. No one other than Keeley and I had even bothered to RSVP to come. My heart just broke into 1000 pieces for her son.

I'd like to think this five year old boy is an ass hole and thats why no one was going. We all know thats not true, its because the parents didn't agree of who they are, were or some such stupid thing. Keeley had bought this boy a gift that she picked out herself. She wrote her own name and his as well in eager anticipation of this party. And she was going to be the only one nice enough to actually show up.  I believe 5 might be a little young to introduce the disappoinment factor into thier lives.

So here we sit with bullies killing each other, and cliques driving teenagers mad with envy and self hate. We need to hold these kids accountable we are all yelling-theres no more room for punishment in the school system. Everything is considered child abuse.  I sit here terrified to let Keeley go to kindergarden in case some one bullies her and theres no one to stop it-or they won't.  I believe these kids learned at least SOME of their behavior from thier parents. Like perhaps when you taught them it was okay to cut out a 5 year old boy because you weren't fond of his mother, father, or maybe he just wasn't the type of child YOU like. Shame on you, on me, and all of use to show them that cliqueing together and shutting out all is okay.

Maybe before we do anything drastic like shutting out a child who really is to young to understand whats going on, if we looked at our own kids and imagined them with no one coming to their party. We might be a little nicer to one another. Or at the very least a small child who can't stand up for himself, and is wondering why no one is there when he played with these children 3 days a week for 10 months.

If the glory of god finds me...

I am hoping the glory god does find me,

Just in case its sooner rather than later I need to do this just once.

Every thing is better and funnier when you swear.

I kicked the cat.

I kicked the fucking cat.

See?

Is a spirtual journey required to move forward?

In the past month I have been doing a lot of internal searching, and to no avail I've found nothing of great interest to anyone inside. I love my children, and my husband with everything I have. I would walk in front of a train if they asked. The only person in my home I'm not really all that fond of is myself. I'm loud, a LOUSY house keeper, have a weakness for gossip, I spend way to much money, and to be honest I'm ashamed of myself for gaining 60 lbs in the last 3 years.

I had decided I was going to go on a weight loss journey of hotness-and it was working, then it wasn't. A loss of motivation perhaps? or maybe I'm just so used to telling myself I'm a massive failure, that I had tripped myself up before I even began. That's when I realized I needed to make peace with everything around me and inside of me before I could be a success.

My mind immediately turned towards the church, and its teachings. Now I'm not an avid church go-er by any standards, but I do believe that God watches over us, Jesus will save us all, there is a right and a wrong path. And goodness will conquer over evil if we lead a good life and be honest to all those around us and to ourselves. I suppose I should look into this more closely, if its what I believe. As it stands right now, with my lack of knowledge in biblical literature I'm in no position to teach my children to believe either. So I've decided to go hunting for the church that believe in my family as much as I believe in it. And I have NO CLUE where to start.

I am very blessed to know that I have a large number of very close friends who are active members of the church who can guide me into getting started. Either way this spiritual journey is bound to end up some where. Here's hoping god hears me and guides the way.

Is this spiritual review required with all lifes changes? Even those of the physical?