Monday, December 8, 2014

You have a tattoo? Whats the meaning?

Saturday night I finally went out. In our modern main stream non-conformists age, I have discovered the newest bonding lines. "oh you have a tattoo? Whats its meaning? oh WOW, you have THREE?! where else?' Insert creepy grin, and a finger slide up the arm. 

Don't get me wrong I love tattoo's-the culture, the intimate experience of finding a talented artist. finding new and creative ways to display my coolness. In fact I'm so obsessed with tattooing, that I became friends with my artist to blatantly abuse her skills a midst Tim Horton's coffee and giggles. in fact she has a freaking awesome deal here. Make sure to give her a happy birthday, and tell her I sent you. 

Fast forward a couple hours, and I make a journey into the ladies room. There are two ladies, in various states of undress explaining the various meanings of their work. no word to a lie here is the conversation I heard

"no, listen, just listen, no. Listen This one-are you listening? This one means, FAMILY, in my heritage this means FAMILY. I'm polish so I know, my grandfather told me." (please note, I'm sure she meant of Polish decent, as I can assure you there was no accent.)
"omg thats, thats, just-so-yea, you're DEEP. I mean who loves FAMILY that much? You and I love you for it girl." Starts sniffing a bit. "I really you know love that you wear yourself on your arms, this one is for my ex husband-he cheated on me (couldn't hear the rest so I'm taking creative liberty) With my half sister, who just got out of rehab, she's fat and has (here's where I could hear again after my tinkling porcelain  chores) NO TATTOOS. I MEAN I WAS SO GENUINE WITH HIM" 

This is where I decide to step in, as a good friend, and fellow woman-to fuck with them.
Me-"oh hey love the ink" 
This is where she re-did oh hey, listen.
Now this time through this I made a horrified face, made sure she saw it and then said "Yes OF COURSE, it means family. Good for you sweety." And I start to walk away. 
Girl 2-"WAIT, whats that face for, she's being genuine"
Me-"Well I speak polish (I don't) and it says Chicken face, I'm so sorry but I think your grand dad was messing with you." 
"no, no way. OMG no, I think you're right" insert panicked sobs here. This is where my toilet phone magic happened. So I pull out my phone. And show her the fucked up screen shot of google translate, making sure to have CHICKEN FACE, zoomed in on, Any sober person would have IMMEDIATELY would have noticed, the two words don't even look remotely alike, but alas she was half a sheet away from falling over. This is where I hugged her and walked away. 

Remember ladies and gents, for every intense personal reason for your tattoo-just like in the rest of life, there's someone willing to fuck with your feelings in the ladies room, after a potty break. 

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